Coping Skills & Resources

By Dr. Tambra

When we experience trauma, our bodies and minds develop protective responses that help us survive difficult situations. These responses are not choices we consciously make—they are automatic reactions designed to keep us safe. Understanding these responses can help us develop compassion for ourselves and recognize that our reactions are normal responses to abnormal circumstances.

The most commonly known trauma responses are fight, flight, and freeze. However, there are additional responses including fawn (people-pleasing) and flop (collapsing or shutting down). Each person may have a dominant response pattern, though we can experience different responses in different situations. These patterns often develop early in life and become our default way of handling perceived threats or overwhelming situations.

Healing doesn’t mean these responses disappear entirely, but rather that we develop greater awareness and choice in how we respond. With support and practice, we can learn to recognize when we’re in a trauma response, understand what triggered it, and develop new ways of responding that serve us better. This is a gradual process that requires patience, self-compassion, and often the support of others who understand trauma.

By Dr. Tambra

Boundaries are not walls—they are bridges to healthier relationships. Setting boundaries means honoring your needs, limits, and values while remaining connected to others. For many people, especially those with trauma histories, boundary setting can feel uncomfortable or even unsafe. This is a normal response, and learning to set boundaries is a gradual process.

Healthy boundaries can be physical, emotional, or energetic. They might include saying no to requests that drain you, asking for alone time when you need it, or communicating your preferences clearly. Boundaries are not about controlling others—they’re about taking care of yourself. When you set a boundary, you’re teaching people how to treat you with respect.

Start small. You don’t need to set perfect boundaries immediately. Practice with low-stakes situations first. Notice how it feels to say “I need to think about that” instead of automatically saying yes. Pay attention to your body’s signals—tension, exhaustion, or resentment often indicate that a boundary needs to be set or reinforced.

By Dr. Tambra

Effective communication is about expressing your truth while remaining open to others. It’s not about being perfect with your words—it’s about being honest, clear, and compassionate. For many people, especially those navigating trauma or difficult relationships, learning to communicate needs and feelings can feel vulnerable and challenging.

One helpful framework is “I” statements. Instead of saying “You always make me feel bad,” try “I feel hurt when this happens.” This approach takes ownership of your feelings without blaming the other person. It creates space for understanding rather than defensiveness. Remember that the goal isn’t to win an argument—it’s to be heard and to understand.

Active listening is equally important. This means truly hearing what someone is saying without planning your response while they’re talking. It means asking clarifying questions and reflecting back what you’ve heard. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is “I hear you” or “Tell me more about that.”